The one who killed me
by Kire-no-Koibito
Summary: Shizuo and Izaya loved each other in elementary school, thinking that they were together with a girl. What happens when Shizuo finds out that Izaya isn't a girl? Rated M for blood and suicide.


**This is ought to be a sad fanfiction. Why? Because I felt like that. Rated M for character death. Also, confusing beginning because Shizuo thinks Izaya is a girl and vice versa.**

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_You don't realize how important something is until it's gone._

"Shizu-chan! Shizu-chan!", the young child cheered, his lips formed into a cute smile. It was during the elementary school, it was the time where Izaya Orihara was human and where he first experienced love. He fell in love with a rather eccentric kid who was extremely strong and had a bad temper. He loved the girl with his whole heart and she seemed to love him back, seeing as she always spent the breaks with him outside. "Let's go~", he chirped, tugging on the kid's sleeve.

"A-Ah...Izaya..", the short kid blushed, following the girl he liked that much outside. Izaya was the only one who could handle his temper and he was happy that it was like that. He wished for it to continue endlessly. He wanted to confess to the girl, but he never got the courage. And that lasted until middle-school when he realized that the 'girl' he loved wasn't a girl at all. He felt betrayed and he didn't want to be near the boy any longer. It was different from Izaya, for the raven never stopped loving Shizuo. Even after he found out that his beloved 'Shizu-chan' was a male. He didn't care, for love really had no gender for him. He also didn't believe in God, which is why he laughed at the people telling him that homosexuality is a sin.

"Hey, Shizu-chan~ Didn't expect you to enroll to the same school as I did. I'm really surprised to see you here, even if we aren't in the same class~", the teen chirped in the same voice he has in the elementary school, striking the same childish pose.

"Shut up and fuck off. I honestly don't want you around, you damned louse.", the brunette hissed out, glaring daggers into the informant. However, the shorter of the two didn't yet show how hurt he was by the statement.

"My, my...in middle school you aren't supposed to know this kind of words. Bad, bad Shizu-chan~", he teased, dodging a fist flying towards him. "Why so violent?~ In elementary school you were all shy and kind~"

"Don't talk about that. I hated the time with you."

"Liar."

In the middle-school they ignored each other and Izaya even changed schools, so Shizuo hoped to never see him again. His hopes ended in vain however. It was as if he was cursed to end up in the same school as Izaya for all eternity. As he enrolled for Raira Academy and was to greet the first-year students after a year, he heard a way too familiar chuckle and his amber eyes locked with a pair of hazel ones, mockingly staring at him...But it wasn't all that was there, the gaze of the flea also held...hurt and interest...? Weird.

After greeting all the students, the second year students could go home so Shizuo did just that, hoping to ignore the louse that pissed him off so much. As the raven followed him home however, the blond couldn't just stay calm anymore. "Look. Are you some kind of stalker? If you are, I am afraid I must kill you right here and now.", he growled out, gritting his teeth hard.

"Don't get the wrong idea, Shizzy. My parents thought that I should live closer to school, so I'll be living up there for the next three years..." He pointed to the apartment just above Shizuo's.

"Fuck. Can't you please move out? I know that your parents can afford that.", the blond hissed out in a tone that made clear that he'd lose it very soon.

Izaya was putting up a strong façade and smirked "Oh? What did I do to make the great Shizuo Heiwajima mad at me~? Oh right...you are a monster, of course you'd get mad at me for no reason~", he chirped, shrugging and jumping up to the balcony just in time to dodge the punch that Shizuo threw at him. "Good thing I have a balcony, ne?", he cheered as Shizuo just stared at him angrily. He used the key to enter his apartment through the balcony and sighed. He could finally take off his mask and let his facial features melt into an expression of grief. He loved Shizuo. He still loved him, even though the other was so mean to him. Why? What did he do to deserve this hate? A tear slid down his cheek and he chuckled.

"How idiotic of me.", he whispered with a sad, weak smile and curled up into a ball, leaning against the glass of the balcony door with his back and pulling his knees up to his chest. He didn't know how he deserved the hate. He didn't know what changed Shizuo. But as long as the other didn't have anyone who'd love him the way he is, he still had a chance, right? He lowered his gaze and let his tears stream down and drop on his dress pants. It was destroying him, he wanted it all to end...he was becoming depressed.

He stood up, deciding to cheer up a bit or maybe get killed on the streets, he walked out, smiling at the pouring rain. He didn't have a real family, he had no friends and the only person who ever accepted and liked him was now also despising him. He was alone and he was pathetic. A voice inside his head whispered to him.

_Just kill yourself._

_You're weak._

_You're useless._

_He hates you._

_You're ugly_

_You're the worst._

_He wants you dead._

_Grant him that wish._

Deciding to obey the voice, he walked in the middle of the road, not caring about the car horns going off and warning him to step aside, not caring about the driver in the car behind him getting angry, not caring as he heard the engine roar up. His thoughts were mere anticipation as he heard the car behind him accelerate. However, just before he closed his eyes and prepared for the pleasant pain to take over him and maybe take him away, he saw a person jump onto the road and stop the car with one hand. Shizuo was there and he had rescued him.

"Why..?", the raven whispered in disbelief just to have Shizuo pull him into a hug. This was so shocking that Izaya started crying again and sank into the embrace before the taller male picked him up and carried him away from the street, allowing the traffic to flow.

"Why?", Izaya repeated, not gaining a reply until they were in front of the door to his apartment. They stood there in silence for a moment before Shizuo broke it.

"I am the only one who has the right to kill you. And I will kill you one day because I hate you more than anything.", Shizuo replied before leaving again, not seeing more tears roll down the raven's cheeks.

Shizuo knew why he lied. He knew that he couldn't hate Izaya just because he was a man. But he also still felt betrayed. Then again, Izaya never _said _ he was a female, did he?

It started to piss him off that he wasted so many thoughts on the shorter male. He sighed and entered his apartment, deciding to forget about the other for today. It couldn't be love that he felt, it just couldn't be. But...he also couldn't find himself able to hate the other.

He laid down onto his bed and closed his eyes, succeeding in ignoring the loud sobs and coughs from above as he dozed off.

What awakened him was his phone ringing. He looked at the screen and saw that the caller was Izaya. They had exchanged numbers for some school project they were working on once. Sighing, Shizuo hung up just to receive another call from the raven. He kept on hanging up, but after the 5th time he finally decided to pick up. A weak, almost dying voice could be heard.

"So...you finally...pick up. You're...slow, Shizu-..", the raven said before having a coughfit. "...your...wish...comes true.", he added with a weak chuckle, not letting Shizuo interrupt him. "Goodbye, idiot...I always...loved you. We won't meet...in...hea-"

After that, the raven fell silent and a thump indicated that the cell had fallen out of his hand. Shocked, Shizuo screamed into the phone "Izaya!? Izaya!"

There was no reply, so he quickly dashed up and kicked the door in, looking around for his schoolmate. He entered the bathroom and froze in shock. An opened package of painkillers was on the sink, apparently it was freshly opened, yet it was already missing a third, indicating that the younger has first tried suicide with painkillers. The stench that spread through the room was however indicating that it was not the way Izaya died. The blond swallowed and approached the bathtub. The shower curtains were covering whatever lied inside.

Pulling back the curtains, Shizuo swallowed loudly, trying to force back the vomit that threatened to flow out. Izaya was wearing white clothes. Both, his pants and shirt were...or were once white, now stained in blood. His skin was almost blending in with the clothing, the only things that stood out were his pink, slightly parted lips that were formed into a smile and covered in blood and the dark rings under his eyes that were almost as dark as the long, black eyelashes that were closed. The bathtub was filled with a puddle of blood, in which the raven was sitting. Upon closer examination, Shizuo saw that the wrists of the younger weren't slit, no. Instead, there was a huge, gaping hole in each wrist, meaning that the shorter male must have stabbed the blade through and twisted it. And from that amount of painkillers he probably didn't feel the pain...The knife which the shorter male had killed himself with was sticking out from his ribcage, explaining the blood flowing out of his mouth...

That wasn't all...on the wall was a writing in blood: "The one who killed me from the inside was you"

By then, Shizuo was already crying in streams, yet he heard a voice next to him and felt someone tug his sleeve. He turned his head to see a semi-transparent Izaya smiling at him happily.

"Shizu-chan! Shizu-chan!", the teen cheered, his lips formed into a cute smile. "Let's go~", he chirped, tugging on his sleeve.

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**This is it. The fiction is kind of dealing with love trouble and also a message to all readers:**

**Tell the people who are important to you what you think of them. You won't have the chance to do so when you are dead and you also wouldn't want them dead just because of your pride and cowardice. **

**And to all the people who have been rejected or left alone: death is not an option. You won't be able to get back at the people who hurt you by killing yourself. Nor will you do any good by doing so. While you are alive you are still able to change your situation and deal with your problems. But when you're dead, it's over. Don't throw your life away and talk to somebody, no matter if it's a friend, a therapist or an online acquittance about the problems. Seek help.**


End file.
